Ok, so this post is going to be about PINK with PURPOSE ~ Breast Cancer Awarenss, education, prevention & hope !!!
(a lil off my normal path)
I am going to put this out there because well my family needs prayer & I am going to ask for it ! I am going to put my emotional struggle out there for you & the world to see, a rareity for me.
I am walking in the Phoenix Susan G Komen "Race for The Cure" 5K walk this Sunday 10/10/10. If you feel led please support me by follwing the link below:
http://www.komenphoenix.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=421127&lis=1&kntae421127=A69E3DCE44E04869B22CA742F898B188&supId=304497795
I grew up with the illusion my Mom would be here on earth til I was old & gray myself since she had me at 19.
The reality that may not be so began in my teens when she got Bells Palsy , paralyzation of the face. Then a flu shot triggered a reaction in her nervous system which put her in the NeuroICU at UCI when I was in my early twenties. Then in June 2007 we almost lost her unexpectedly. Now this woman I call Mom has breast cancer. She has not been given the greatest "lot in life" as the old adage goes.
At this point I am honestly screaming at God. I have struggled seeing my mom ill every time. Certain images of her ill during each hospital stay still wake me at nite, certain tests I observed & watched her fail never fade from memory, I know verbatem each call from her that said she needed me , her only daughter , her only child, that consequently ended up with me in a vehicle wether 10 mins away or crossing state lines, to take her to seek medical care.
The last few years have been a struggle for her & I. My mother is a force to be reckoned with & especially when her title is "patient". UGH, really she is the WORST patient I have EVER seen !!! She seems to think the doctors ORDERS are RECOMMENDATIONS :/ This resistance of hers led me to reach my maximum capacity for frustration & agitation approx eight-teen months ago . I decided that as her primary enabler that , hey, if she doesn't care , nor do I ! Sadly of course I still fret & worry but I keep it to myself (as much as possible) and let her decide without my intrusion how to care for herself.
That leads me to her role as Nana. I think my sons have hit the jackpot having my mom as a Nana. Seriously if I believed in re-incarnation I would want to come back as her grandchild or dog. She lavishes them with love & over indulgence. I look at my boys, her grandsons & I think of the laughter she brings to them, how on a bad day I know Nana is the right remedy. Now I need to figure out how to tell my boys she has the Big C & I dont know how :*(
I dont want to go into too much detail, but lets just say her current treatment is at a cross roads. We need prayer because as much as we argue , at the end of the day, my boys & I , we need my mom & we need her for a lot longer. My mom has lost too many friends to the "Big C" and as much as she is a fighter, she has seen this disease at its worst & that changes the terms of treatment for her drastically. So pray that she has Dr's with wisdom & that the battle is in her favor. Thank you !!!
Go do your monthly exams Mammas, your babies (of all ages) are counting on it,
Jen
